The girl I love is vanilla. She is adorably sweet and affectionate. She trusts me as I trust her and we respect one another.
Those submissive urges that consume me are, currently, denied or repressed and I feel incomplete without indulging those desires. Within this vanilla relationship, I have explained those needs and asked that I am allowed to find someone who might be my dominant. My lover has asked to be present. That excites me but it also complicates the arranging of a session with someone.
Over the last two years, I have noticed a decrease in my genital sensitivity. I wonder whether this decline might be linked to a dependance on BDSM and all of the activities that I crave . So, the pleasure I can gain from vanilla sex has decreased and that adds to my frustration right now.
So, what do I do? Do I demand unfettered access to a dominant or do I attempt to compromise and work within the limits that my lover is setting? I worry, too, that she will feel uncomfortable as a voyeur within the session. Perhaps, she might become involved. Perhaps, she might enjoy following the lead of the dominant. I suspect, with her gentle nature, that she will struggle within that role.