Before, I needed someone who could comfort me in my pain or, perversely, inflict it. I sought both extremes.
The comfort of love, sharing it to escape my grief, or the denial of myself through submission. In that submission, I could escape my grief through body chemical induced narcosis.
The relationship I have with myself is being redefined as I visit the things that nourish my soul; whether exploring art, music, writing and the beauty of the landscapes around me, I restructure my relationship with the experienced and conscious self.
Now, my relationships with others can be mutually enhancing, the power of two or more combined being greater than the sum of their parts. Perhaps, I will explore my spiritual self; the soulful romantic self, without searching, instead; receiving with gratitude, where experiences come my way. As I meet new people, expectations and hopes may be replaced by an open, waiting, mindful appreciation of the current rather than the anticipated climax that was the hope for love.